finally I talked with my parents about the awards. My mom put my dad "Papa" on Skype. I have not seen him… I have not seen him 8.5 years. "Papa! I got awards!" He said, "huh! it does not matter! so what?" yes, sounds mean, but i saw him looks happy on skype. he looked at me, and looked at himself, then "my hair is getting like yours. little bit white hair here and there." I said, "yeah we look like twins, papa!" (he smiles.) "What do you doing? a hobby? did you find a secure job? you are stupid!" and I said,,, "its, YOUR daughter, Papa, you know?" (he smiles.) "its YOUR…" He said, "that is why I keep quiet." "4 awards we recieved!" Mom says, "so, can you get a job now? Can you eat?" ….. "see, that is what I expected you would say. I know you do not care what I do." Papa said, "you need to make money. finding tranlating job or something to use English." I said,,, "Yeah,,, not easy though…" He said, "you know, you wont find anybody." "why?" "you will just fight with a man, you are difficult, so no one will be with you."… I said, "yeah, right…" He said. "and you are bald. who likes that woman!" …" yeah right. I think so too." He said, "you owe me money you know? " "yeah…. so you need to live long, so I can returen to you." He said,,,,"I am going to die soon." "ok,,, then you should take me with you! so I can return something up there." "Oh You are speaking non-sense! you sounds like my 5 years old-grand-son!" "can you come to NYC?" "NEVER!"… and he went back to work. Mom and I talked for a while after,,,
it sounds intense, but not, we saw each other's faces, and exchanged words. that is so unusual! He looked older than before. yeah, I need to visit them soon. I hope it will happen sometimes next year. I dont wanna risk myself for my exsistance here, but I dont wanna neglect either to not seeing them. little more steps I need to make before I can visit them…I need to work more. That is it.
it sounds intense, but not, we saw each other's faces, and exchanged words. that is so unusual! He looked older than before. yeah, I need to visit them soon. I hope it will happen sometimes next year. I dont wanna risk myself for my exsistance here, but I dont wanna neglect either to not seeing them. little more steps I need to make before I can visit them…I need to work more. That is it.